the old man

I've realized that I've run of out nonsense to write on this site so instead of crapping out real stories, I've decided to just write a line of inspirational quote everyday. I find that people on facebook love these quotes no matter how much they don't make sense, and it's nonetheless appealing when an old wise man like me says it.

So here goes my 1st quote of the day:

Don't shit in your own backyard.

Explanatory notes:
This saying refers to people who conduct their illicit business or dirty deeds right in their own workplace or organisation. Another saying is, "You don't shit and eat in the same place" or "You don't shit and eat on the same spot". Though crude, what this saying is implying is that if you do ditry stuff right in your own place, you'll make a mess eventually.

The best recent example is Jack Neo. He shits(getting involved with several women sexually) in his own backyard(JTeam productions, his own company). Some smaller case studies include people who had sex with their immediate family members(incest) right in their own home. Want sex go geylang la. Service better also. 

Updates...

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The big company function.

Greetings, young people. Recently we had this company celebration for the 44th anniversary of our company and I must tell you what happened.

Nothing. Because we lost so much money this year, we had to cut on the food, drinks, decorations, performance...even the CEO's speech has to be cut.

Cut this cut that. They almost wanted to cut my office expenses and turn it into a smaller size one. Well...apparently they didn't know I have a secret compartment behind my desk which stores all my secret collection of chewing gums back to the days before the sale of chewing gum was banned. Obviously I couldn't let them uncover this so I have been secretly moving this secret stash to my good buddy's office next room. I'm just too careful a man.

I remember some time back some Mediacorp TV show came and film me working in my office and they didn't believe what they saw - just ONE document folder on my desk and nothing else. Absolutely nothing. They were so stunned and impressed at the same time. But little did they know that at that time, I just retired as the CEO so all the work was taken over by my successor and I'm just left with 1 assignment on my hand. But it was a good interview though.

Okok, back to the function...before that I heard many of the directors and VPs say that it was going to be boring and there would be no alcohol. I agree with them that it would be boring without alcohol. And they tell me "No, you don't understand. It's gonna be boring AND no alcohol." I said what could be so boring than the CEO's speech itself? They replied that the speech is about to get as boring as it would be in years to come.

Recent Outing in Malaysia.

Greetings, young people. What a month! I've just finished my business trip to Malaysia and I feel that I must say something about it here.

So I went back to Malaysia, where our company was part of an even bigger company - so big, so powerful that everyone wanted to join it back then. I queued up for days to get the membership application done, and I literally cried when we were rejected because we did not have enough rubber trees. We had some coconut trees though.

Well, 40 years later, we are already losing our 1st billion and they're still planting rubber trees. So they thought I was god.

First add me on facebook.

Then join my mafia.

I'm so hooked. =)

Greetings, young people. Today I want to show you what I'm up to.

It's the coolest game ever. Why? Because it involves money and fighting. Then again, which game doesn't? Anyway, I have been playing Mafia Wars for the past few weeks because I have been hiding in my office for a few weeks.

Why am I hiding in my office? Aiya...something to do with some huge investment that my company had in some foreign banks. While hiding, I was checking out Facebook and someone invited me to play this Mafia Wars.

Initially I thought, don't waste my time. But once I went into it, I couldn't get out. It is so addictive that I didn't talk to anyone for 3 whole f***ing weeks and I was so engrossed. Oh God...please don't let anyone know I'm playing Mafia Wars here...Or else they're gonna hit me and rob me.

Yeah, in Mafia Wars, you got chance to hit and rob any other players. You hit and rob with your own family members, which you can recruit. The larger your family, the higher your fighting power. So the main purpose of the game is to hit, rob, and grow your family.I don't know about you, but that sounds like something I've always wanted to do and I think I might have done it quite alot of times without knowing it.

Updates

Greetings, young people. Today I've got no mood to give you any lectures so I'll just post some updates of my life.

One of my companies hired a new CEO. The previous one was a useless family member and she made a big fat mistake. We had to save her dignity as well as our own. Now I'm having a hard deciding where to put her. Should I make her look after the house? Or should I buy another company and make her the CEO again? You got any ideas?

The whole group is not doing. Not just because of useless family member, but the whole economy is bringing everything down with it. The main management decides to take out some money from their pockets to help the subsidiary companies. Every employee gets a fair amount of money to help them ease their daily expenses. Yeah right. What can you do with $200?

Did I mention we hired an Ang Moh to run one of our companies? Well, it's the same company. Fired a family member and got an Ang Moh. We decided that since none of our own can take up that job, we'd better outsource it. Better someone else screw up than a family member.

Did I mention we fired a family member? Oh ya I did. Ok that's all for now. I've got to go for another check-up.

On more health problems, vandalism & current economic situation.

Greetings, younglings. I have come to the age where I may just kick the bucket any moment, so please pay attention to my teachings now or you'll never get a chance to.

I've been busy alot running from hospitals to hospitals but not forgetting my work. My work involves alot of decision-making, especially decisions that will piss alot of people off. In fact, ever since I was 30+ years old, I've never went through a single day of my life not pissing anyone off.

It started off when I was taking over my department. The first ever decision that I made - merger with another department - pissed many of my own guys off. The merger did not went too well so in the end we were asked to leave the company. Those who were pissed also left with me, stuck with me and got more pissed off with me. Today, not many of them are still alive and pissing off.

That leaves me the only one from my own generation. I have friends who used to be with me in the same company who died recently. They say it's going to be my turn soon. I say the day my turn comes, I will pull them with me.

That's the life of a successful person, you will always piss someone off. Just make sure you have some people on the same side as you.

Oh ya, there's a lunatic who vandalised the outside of my office building recently. He was caught and I dunno wtf happened to him after that. I guess he got too pissed off and went crazy, but I seriously can't recall which of my pissing-off decisions drove this guy nuts.

On my recent health problems, lawsuits, GIC and AIA.

Greetings.I was admitted to the hospital because of some heart problems. Thanks for your concern but the bad news is, I didn't die. The good news is, people who are waiting for me to die can continue to curse me till they die first. Like I mentioned before, I have alot of enemies.

Have you wondered what would happen if you just die tomorrow? I have. In fact, I think there might be a big funeral and a big celebration when I die. I could care less about the funeral, but I'm more interested in the celebration. Actually, more interested in who'll be celebrating my death. Sure, I know I will see many familiar faces, but other than those I know will be there, there, I don't wish to see those I'm sure won't be there, there.

Oh I just settled one of my lawsuits and sued 2 stupid idiots for a cool sum of money. Exactly how much I don't care. I just need to know it's too much for them.

In case you forgot that I've mentioned, it's about one of them saying something stupid about me in a magazine interview and the other saying something stupid about me on his own blog. Beg me to sue him somemore. How stupid can you get?

I heard that there's this nonsense going on about how sovereign funds should be more transparent in their investment approach and performance, and thought that my little fund here should do the same. We should be revealing a little bit of that to the public but other than that, I shall sue anyone who questions my portfolio management skills.

Oh mighty AIG, leveraged a little too heavy, fell on its knees begging for the Federal Reserve to save thee. The first thing I did after watching the news was to call the chief of AIA Singapore and ask him wtf is going on. He said nothing, sir, apparently our parent company is in alot of trouble because their derivative assets could not be liquidated, but our assets here are definitely liquid.

I said good, but called 3 days later to ask for an explanation for the long queue outside their main building. He said those people are retard and we get to keep their money for good. I was relieved. I have a large stake in this good old insurance company. He also explained that if people surrender their policy, we get to keep their money because most of them are aunties and uncles who bought life policies. "That's why it's called surrender. Since when your enemy will give you anything back when you surrender?" Great guy. Love him. 

Ok, that's all for now. I have somemore lawsuits to settle.

Happy National Day to every Sons and Daughters of Singapore, including those who just joined in. This is my 2nd time addressing you people here at Laikaopeh, and I'm going to make it long enough so that you would read.