Articles

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it".

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

The Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads low bridge ahead" Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Over the years, I've compiled quite a number of excuses for not turning up for an appointment in order to use them someday. Just recently, I find that all these excuses have all come back to haunt me - people use them on me. So today I'll just share the top 3 most used excuses when people PS me.

3) Family problem
As if I even bother. This is why this excuse is so good - very few people would dare to question the validity of a "family problem", especially when it is such a sensitive issue, because when questioned, all you need to say is, "You won't understand 1..."

In case if you don't already know, many guys use this excuse in Army to acheive a stay-out status overnight. A stay-out status meaning going home everyday. Some are, of course, genuine. But at the end of the day, "You won't understand 1..."

2) Work OT
There's no way of challenging this. Why? "Because not I say 1 mah...my boss say 1...you go ask my boss lor". How many of us would bother to challenge my boss, when you don't even know WTF is that? Of course, we don't doubt that this could be genuine 90% of the time, as we all know that most bosses like to do things that we don't like to do, which is why they're the boss in the 1st place.

Many friends have pulled this on me, and at the end of the day, I can't blame them but have to blame their boss...which I still have no idea WTF is that.

1) Not feeling well
The ultimate excuse for one simple reason - I'm not a doctor. I can tell if your mum is working 12-hr shift and needs you to help take care of your sisters....I can tell if you're online on your company laptop in your office trying to rush out an overdue report for your boss...but I seriously cannot tell if you're having a cold, diarrhea or AIDS because all you need to do is act like you do.

This is by far the most popular excuse that I get, because at the end of day, who can I blame? I can't blame your mother, your boss, (or the weather?) and I'll have to accept the universal scientific fact that "Every person's body is different".  So how? I blame myself lor.

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:

Wash. Biol. Surv.

Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas
camper:

"Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

Gosh...when was the last morning rush?

NTU Prof grabbing a student's ass. It seems that news is constantly coming from NTU, but this time, it's no more suicide or stabbing, but still unpleasant.

Old man walks around bedok interchange, dropped his pants, shitted, then walk around with his pants down. I don't know how to feel except to feel sorry for the person cleaning the shit up.

ACS vs SAS in a game of rugby+sports brawl. You know what I like about these fights? It's better than the game itself.

Ok...back to work. Have a nice week ahead!

I've realized that I've run of out nonsense to write on this site so instead of crapping out real stories, I've decided to just write a line of inspirational quote everyday. I find that people on facebook love these quotes no matter how much they don't make sense, and it's nonetheless appealing when an old wise man like me says it.

So here goes my 1st quote of the day:

Don't shit in your own backyard.

Explanatory notes:
This saying refers to people who conduct their illicit business or dirty deeds right in their own workplace or organisation. Another saying is, "You don't shit and eat in the same place" or "You don't shit and eat on the same spot". Though crude, what this saying is implying is that if you do ditry stuff right in your own place, you'll make a mess eventually.

The best recent example is Jack Neo. He shits(getting involved with several women sexually) in his own backyard(JTeam productions, his own company). Some smaller case studies include people who had sex with their immediate family members(incest) right in their own home. Want sex go geylang la. Service better also.